Words

from Peter Albers,
Father

It's already been said, but I'd like to say again, to everyone who has made this event possible and to all that have offered my family support over the last several weeks - THANK YOU. Luca's death has broken our hearts and tested our courage. I'm certain I couldn't have made it through the last few weeks were it not for the love I've felt from you.

I'd like to tell you about how my life has changed over the past year.

My life changed forever on a May day in 2007. When Cassia told me she was pregnant, my heart nearly leapt out of my chest. I felt the exhilaration of a person who has learned he would be a parent.

My life changed again just over a week later. Cassia called from Lesotho in southern Africa, where she was on a work trip. She'd had some serious bleeding, and doctors felt certain we'd lost the pregnancy. I was devastated, as was she.

Cassia returned to London as quickly as she could and we went to the hospital for an ultrasound, expecting the worst. But when we heard two heartbeats, it was an emotional u-turn unlike anything I'd ever experienced. We went from losing one child to gaining two. We would be parents of twins.

The happiest moment of my life was December 9th, 2007. Cassia bravely brought our children - two sons! - into the world. Holding them for the first time, seconds after their birth, was the purest joy I've ever felt. I was humbled, I was excited, I was scared, I was proud. I was a father. Those two boys in my arms were the most beautiful things I'd ever seen.

On March 9th, 2008, my life again changed in a way I'd never imagined and would never wish on anyone. Cassia and I were faced with the most difficult decision of our lives. We removed Luca's breathing tube, and we held him as he died.

Luca was such a special little man. I cherished each moment I held him, fed him, dressed him, played with him, sang to him, laughed with him, cried with him. He will always be my son. I feel lucky to have met Luca and to have spent three months with him. He gave me such great happiness. I did not take those moments for granted.

I wish with all my heart that Luca was still alive. I've only been a father for a short time, but I've been shown in the most vivid, most horrible way that there are things in life that are beyond my control and beyond my explanation. I'll spend the rest of my life learning to live with this.

We've gathered here today to commemorate Luca. But we've also gathered to celebrate the connection we all share. Everyone in this room, everyone Cassia and I spoke with on the phone, everyone who wrote a card or an email, everyone who said a prayer or reflected in silence, everyone who sent us their love and shared their love with each other - these people are Luca's family. These people are our family. I am so proud to know all of you, to call you my friends, to call you my family.

I've gone through major changes in my life over the past year. But even in these moments, the most heart-wrenching moments of my life, I am positive that joy abounds. I am proud to be Luca's father. I am proud to be Asher's father. In Cassia, my sons have a mother that loves them with every inch of her heart and soul and a partner that I love dearly. And I feel today, as ever, the love, support, and unity of our community, and that gives me great comfort.

Peter

(Words spoken at Luca Holstein Albers’ memorial service, 21 March 2008.)